6. Facing the Music in the Morning

I woke up to weight atop me. Any other morning, any other morning, a pleasant surprise. This particular morning, my chest immediately tightened as I looked to my right and caught a glimpse of the clock on the night stand. 6:35 a.m.

I tried, yall, I really did. Digital had been trying to get me to stay the night before we even got to his house. He offered several times to stop off at the mall and get me something to wear to work the next morning. I gracefully declined about three times.

I kept my distance on the sofa at his place. Kept the remember when convo kosher, all that.

And after all that dodging with such good intentions, it had officially gone down. Damn.

Digital walked me to the train and sent me off with a kiss as I rushed off to work shamefully, in the same clothes I’d worn the day before. (Like old times J) But the eight-hour day that would’ve dragged on for what seemed like 12 any other day, zipped by.

I think I stayed at work 30 minutes late that day. I was usually the first one out the door of that God awful place at 6 p.m. sharp. That day though, I filed papers, paper clipped and stapled shyt that had been ornamenting my desk for weeks. I might have even run a damp cloth across the surface before I finally slid my chair in and grabbed my bag, heading out for the night.

I dragged my feet as slowly as I could down 34^th street. But once I hit the PATH train, I was as good as there.

And while I walked sluggishly, my mind raced.

Okay, I need a story, what am I gonna say? I need a story, I need a story, I need a story … okay we were talking about old times, having a good time, I drank a little and fell asleep. Bullshyt. Okay, what had happened was, he tried to come at me right, but I said no. Nothing happened. Bull. Shyt. Okay, okay, okay, for real. This is how it really went down …

But I couldn’t concentrate.

I just kept reliving last night.

The conversation was wonderful, the chemistry was as potent as it had been the last time … and when he kissed me that first time, I didn’t fight long …

And yet, I was headed back to BD’s place to explain myself. WHY!?

Because BD would be there. Probably anxious to hear my futile attempt at easing his fears. And Digital? catching a flight some where. That’s why.

My thoughts were broken and incoherent when I made it to the entrance of BD’s building. I dunno how long I waited in that dingy hallway outside his door. It must’ve been forever, but when I finally slid my key in the lock (yes, I had a key) and pushed the creaky door open, I walked right into BD’s chest. (Dude’s about 6’2 to my 5’4.) I looked up abruptly and met his steely eyes. Never had gotten around to crafting that story.

-- Melyssa Ganache

Check out Confessions of a Single Mom on InBetweenDisappointments as Melyssa comes head to head with the reality of her rationalizations.
Also, check out more Melyssa at GetYoShyt.blogspot.com and hit her up on Myspace.com/MelyssaGanache.
*All names have been changed